As I sit here trying to recover from this Influenza that took over my body, and watch my sick little one, who has a different virus than mine, using his energy to keep jumping, I try to go back and put into words how this year was to me.
I can say without a doubt that 2016 was one of the hardest years of my life. I know I’ve been through some dificult times before this year, divorce, moving to another country, broken heart, fertility issues and treatment, miscarriage… and the list goes on and on, but nothing compares to that moment when you realize your child has a diagnose that could potentially interfere with his life forever and not only that, the struggle in getting the help he needs in order to have a more normal life. Perhaps even harder than the diagnose itself, was the burocracy and sometimes the lack of compassion from others. Nothing makes you feel more hopeless than looking for help and just getting obstacles, things that are completely out of your control, and there is nothing you can do besides wait and hope for things to work out in your favor.
Although there were a lot of hard times following Guto’s diagnose, there was a lot of learning as well and I think that’s what 2016 was all about: LEARNING
This year has taught me a lot. PATIENCE is for sure the number one lesson of 2016. Me, a person that hates waiting, really had to learn to do just that! However, the rewards were completely worth the wait. The first time Guto said mamae, or I love you, or gave me a hug willingly. I would have waited for all this forever if I had to, but I sure am glad I didn’t have to wait that long.
I learned a lot about myself, I learned that I can be stronger than I ever thought I could. Learning what a mother is capable of doing for her child. I learned so much about people… about frienship, loyalty, respect… some in a good way… some not. I learned about priorities and learned about AUTISM, though I know I still have a lot to learn.
I learned that crying is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strenght. I learned that sad cry is as important as a joyful cry and sometimes it is the only thing you can do to keep you sane. I learned that getting overwhelmed or tired doesn’t make me a bad mom. And that it is ok to ask for help even though it is not always that you will find someone willing to help you out and sometimes you just have to suck it up and keep going.
I learned that expectation is what really makes you frustated, and sad. The smallest achievements are sometimes the greatest and all of them should be celebrated.
And I learned more about love. Love that cannot be measured. Love that has no words. Unconditional, pure love.
So looking back at 2016, althought it was a a year with some great challenges it also had a tremendous amount of joy and happiness. And that’s what I will be wishing for 2017, that even with all the hardships we might have to endure, we will never forget to count our blessings. I feel so blessed for being Guto’s mom. Our family is blessed for having such an awesome boy we can call ours. Just watching him jump and smile close to me makes me realize just how perfect he is.
May your holidays be full with blessings and may you heart be full with love and peace. From my family to yours.
