There are moments in our lives that help us realize the importance of things we usually take for granted. Life itself, for instance, have you stop to think how fragile and special it is?
I have to admit I have been mad at God for quite some time, or maybe not mad, but I have been questioning him for a while. Like this past weekend when one of our little patients passed away or when I first got Guto’s diagnose.
Some of you already know that I am a RN at a Children’s Hospital CVICU (CardioVascular Intensive Care Unit). I have the opportunity to work with some of the most amazing people I have known and some of the most incredible families and patients. We do everything we can to always have the best outcome possible, but some things are out of our hands and sometimes we have to deal with situations that are so difficult that is hard to cope. This last weekend was such a hard one for me and my co-workers.
Some things are hard to understand and accept, like diseases in children. I still have a hard time believing that my loving God would want a innocent child or a good family going through such a hard time. Not that I think anyone deserves bad things, but with good people it is even harder to accept some of the hardships they go through. Believe me when I say it is a hard time not only for the child but for the families too. During the time I have been working I had the opportunity to see some really happy and some not so happy moments. Like when a patient finally received a call saying the heart they had been waiting for 8-9 months is finally available, and when you see a child opening their eyes and smiling for the first time after an open heart surgery. Or when you finally say “see you around” to a patient going home after in the unit for many months. Those are the moments that make my job worth it. But then there are those few moments that make me question my decision to be a nurse. Every time we see a family say goodbye to their loved ones after a long journey of surgeries, procedures and ups and downs and so many prayers. When you see the despair in a parent’s eyes after knowing their little one will need a complicated procedure or surgery. Those moments are so hard to comprehend that it is beyond explanation.
Every time I go to work I pray that I can make a difference in the life of the patient and family I will be caring for. I pray that God gives me the strength and knowledge to make their lives a little easier and happier.
The families and patients have taught me so much. I am so thankful for all of them. Some of them have impacted my life more than they will ever know.
As I came home from work last weekend all I could think of is how blessed I am. I can’t understand why bad things happen to good people, then I read something in one of my patients webpage that made me think. “We may not know WHY now, but we have faith in God’s plan that there is a reason for all seasons of life.” If they can see a loving God without questioning in such a hard time, so should I. And for some reason those words put my heart to rest, and all the anger I had, somehow went away.
It made me think that even with all the struggles we will have to endure in our journey called life I still have a child that can breath on his own, a child I can hold and kiss, a child that smiles, a child that can walk, run and jump, a child that I can put to bed, I child that I can take to school, a child that can snuggle with me when we sleep, a child that I can feed, a child that I can hear laugh and cry, a child that in his own way can show me his needs. And more than anything, I have a child that I can love unconditionally.
For all of this and so much more I am blessed.
Today I ask all of you to say a special prayer to the parents, the little heroes and the little angels I work with. And if it is not too much to ask, say a little prayer for me too.
“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” ~ Romans 12:12